Tuesday, 19 June 2018

Noah S 100 WC

I am eyeing up the rabbit with my pistol. I shoot I miss.I try to shoot a rabbit 5 more times. Get really angry miss again. I twurl the end of my gun.Because  I got really angry.Two minutes later this person said wow what did you do to your gun.I bent. wow I have to show this to my work mates cause they can model it into a statue and you will be famous because that is a talent. Two months later I became famous and everyone said talent. The end.

4 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really liked the way you started the story.
    Next time remember that there is a space after a full stop (Eg) I like running. I am good at running. 😃😁👍

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .