Tuesday, 31 July 2018

100WCT3W2 Harry

Clumsily i stumble into my plain brown boarded room in my mountain shack. It had been raining all morning, the journey  was always a treacherous one to get to the toilet outside. My little shack merely a pimple on the gargantuan white coated beast towering over Aotearoa. "Time to light the fire." I mutter. Just as i pick up the wood and kindling a fearsome roar echoes throughout the torn landscape. Dropping the wood i rush petrified over to the rifle cabinet but stop in my tracks. Suddenly a gastly beast reaches through the roof. I am plucked and devoured.

3 comments:

  1. I loved the description you put into this story, I would just capitalise some of the I's. Otherwise it was great.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I enjoyed the descriptive language used. I would, just like Ashleigh suggested, To go ahead and capitalise some of the I's in the story. And maybe some Punctuation.

      Delete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .