"Get three nurses to room number 287, we have two teenage girls who need to have emergency care ASAP"
"Clo, for us to be in emergency care we must of done something crazy. What did happen?"
asked Em.
"well the last thing I remember was, as we looked over the edge, we saw a huge tornado forming. Next thing we know we were running for our dear life and this is where it has taken us, the Hospital."
"Get comfy Chlo I think we're going to be here for a while" replied Em
"you think" replied Chlo with a chuckle
Wednesday, 25 July 2018
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Very Cool story, I really enjoyed it. I love the conversation dialogue to make this that bit more exciting! The only thing I have to say in the way of improvement, is could you have a little look at some of the capitals, at the beginning of some sentences and have a look at some punctuation too.Other than that, Very well done! :))
ReplyDeleteEli,
ReplyDeleteReally interesting story that grips the reader. The only thing I have to say is I want to know who is talking at the beginning of the story. I was pretty sure it was the nurse but to make it clear you might need to add it in.
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ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story, and whats going on in it. I would just capitalise the well in the sentence " well the last thing I remember was," otherwise I loved it
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