Wednesday, 25 July 2018

T3 W1

Once upon a time a little boy lived on a mountain he had dream that one day he could jump off a cliff and fly into the clouds he had heard in designing a suit that had wings that could make him fly but he keep trying over and over again but could not find the perfect design so one day he looked over the edge of the mountain and he  said I saw something Mum look it's a bird from that day forward he knew what he was going to do five years later the end

1 comment:

  1. I liked the idea and the intro. They sentences and quick and easy although the are not full stops. Perhaps you could also check if the second to last line makes sense. I did not think it did.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .