Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Feedback Post

We were in a cave. It was snowing outside and it was freezing cold. We were climbing a mountain when we started to get too tired to continue so we decided to take a break. That’s why we’re here, in a cave right now. Then out of the blue a tiger jumped out at me. We tried to escape but the tiger was blocking our escape. This is the end I said to myself as the tiger ran towards to us. I tried to hide but it was too late. It jumped at me and then everything just blacked out.
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25 comments:

  1. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:13

    I enjoyed the writing but it could be a bit more descriptive

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  2. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:13

    That was a good piece of writing . But good of had a bit of more detail in the describing part

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  3. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:13

    I enjoyed it i think if the writer could extended it. It would be a good story.

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  4. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:13

    I think this writing is good but there are some parts that need some more description like what does the cave look like and expand on the tiger. Was it a big tiger or like a mythical tiger?

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  5. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    Well written. You could use some more adjectives and use some different words rather than "it was"...
    Also who is "we"??

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  6. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    Extra adjectives would make it so much more interesting.

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  7. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    Good piece of writing but it could be a lot more descriptive and needs a bit more detail.

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  8. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    that's good i think it could have done with a bit more exitment

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  9. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    really exciting but it was pretty short and I wanted to read more

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  10. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    That was a really exciting story. What a great idea to include a flashback.

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  11. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    good but it needs more descriptive words

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  12. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:14

    this is a very good piece of writing but I just think it all happened to quick and I might have needed a bit more detail

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  13. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:15

    Well..its a good story but there are some places to put full stops and commas.

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  14. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:15

    You did a good job of catching the attention of the reader but maybe you could add a bit more about the characters

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  15. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:15

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:15

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  17. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:15

    I really liked the writing. But you could use a bit more adjectives.

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  18. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:15

    It's a cool story and I like how you said it jumped at me and then everything went black. Maybe try and change some of the we's to something else, but otherwise it's good.

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  19. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:15

    I think the writing was good but some parts in the writing needed more description. Describe the tiger more or maybe even the cave. Also have less full stops and change the full stops into commas.

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  20. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:16

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  21. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:16

    wow! what a scary and exciting story that you have made. I love your ending.

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  22. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:17

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:26

    I think this piece could do with a bit more descriptive words. I think you could add a few more full stops. Great writing though. -Jackson.

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  24. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:26

    I liked it maybe describe the tiger better

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  25. Anonymous20 March 2018 at 13:33

    I really liked your writing because your descrption of writing make me excited. But I want some more description about tiger.

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