Monday, 23 July 2018
Will T3W1
It had been a boring day at school, the bell rang and I began the 10 minute walk home. As normal I started walking with jack and calum but my house was further away so they had drifted off and I was by myself. Just as I was nearing my house walking around the corner wondering what was for afternoon tea I heard a sound slowly getting louder I could see what it was it was a motorbike! Racing round the corner and boom he went right over the corner. I looked over the edge and saw his body floating in the water.
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I really liked your story but when you publish your writing next time, please check if proper nouns are in capital letters.
ReplyDeleteI really liked “Just as I was nearing my house walking around the corner wondering what was for afternoon tea ...",because it contrasts your relaxation and the danger of what is going to happen.But I suggest some sentences can be split,it will make your article look more powerful.
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