Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Ashleigh 100WC T2 W1

"Ahhhhhhh" Tom shouted as he frantically ran to the door trying to get out. "MUM, MUM HELP". "What's wrong honey?" "There's a giant monster, it's crimson and scary" Tom replied. "It's okay honey, remember to stay calm in these situations. Now I just want you to sneak across to the window on the other side of the room and jump out onto the tree whilst I call the police" said mum. "I can't!!! It's all misty outside, I wouldn't be able to see anything". Okay, just stay calm". How can I stay calm when I'm in grave danger!" Tom yelled just as...

2 comments:

  1. I really like the way you used descriptive language. Next time you need to check your spelling and make sure Crimson is bolded.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really like your descriptive language and what was going on. I got a good picture in my head.
    You need to bold out crimson and grave danger does not make sense.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .