Tuesday, 1 May 2018
Maia T2W1
"Hurry up Jorjia" I shouted over the noise of the rowdy crowd. Mum had said to be back by 6.30pm latest and it was already 6.15pm, I didn't know if 15 minutes would be enough time. Frantically we pushed our way through the hoard of people wearing crimson jumpsuits (today was national twenty fifth world war remembrance day.) We raced through the misty gravel roads and over the large bumpy potholes. We arrived home to see mum with a grave look on her face. I glanced at my watch and groaned silently. 6.35pm. Late again.
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I really liked the way you used descriptive language like'frantically we pushed our way through the hoard of people'.
ReplyDeleteNext time make sure you aren't missing out words like ' 6.30pm latest' add a 'at the' between 6.30 and latest.
I really liked this piece of because you used good expression in the story. next time you might like to make it flow a bit better. It was especially good when you added lots of detail because it kept it interesting.
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