Monday, 7 May 2018
Emma T2 W2 100WC
" When did it get here" I said as I steered at the large box, that sat in the middle of my families living room. My mum hesitated before saying " Today at 12:00 am". "Oh" I said, confused. Final I got up the courage and opened the box, and to my shock, there on one knee was Danny my boyfriend, with a ring in his hand. With tears rolling down my cheeks, Danny said the words " America WILL YOU MARRY ME", still speechless I final made out the word yes. Then he slid the ring on my tiny finger.
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Wow what an emotional piece of writing! I really like the way you used descriptive language and speech marks in the write place. One work on would be to finish with a bit more wow!!!!
ReplyDelete(Then he slid the ring on my tiny finger.)
All in all though a great piece of writing
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ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you used the word hesitated, you chose your words well! One work on would be describing Danny a bit more so the reader knows what he looks like.
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