Tuesday, 1 May 2018
Charlotte T2 W1
My vision was misty from tears and the small grey coffin holding baby Leah lifted into the black car. I didn't want to see her being put into her grave. The thought made a shiver run down my back. I frantactilly shoved that thought into a box in my mind and tried to get a hold of myself. I opened my eyes and saw the Hearse pull out onto the road and I couldn't do it anymore. I shouted at the driver screaming "STOP! STOP!" but the long car simply turned the corner onto Crimson road. Happiness left my life forever.
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I really like the way you used descriptive language like a shiver ran down my spine. Next time you need to go back and make sure it make sense because I shouted at the driver screaming doesn't make sense.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the storyline and how much depth and detail you have throughout the writing. Next time you could explain more about the backstory and how you got to that situation. Overall I love this peace of writing.
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