Tuesday, 21 August 2018

100WC T3 W5

As I read the contents of the letter, I was aware of the smile on my face. " It's a boy" I shouted
"that's great" said Thomas "what did she name him?" " Rylie" I said "Rylie Mucker named after my late uncle." As I was telling sarge the great news there was a deep loud cry "everybody get down" so the hole platoon got down. You could hear something flying swiftly through the air. Run mate run were the last words I heard from my dear friend Thomas, the war had conquered some more lives. 

2 comments:

  1. I really like the way you said it's a boy that made me excited. Next time remember that every time a new person is talking it is a new line. Great job 👍😀

    ReplyDelete
  2. a good story line. next time maybe change the last line.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .