Sunday, 12 August 2018

Maia T3 W4

Dear Diary,

OMG! Today was weird! So I was like shopping for a new jumpsuit in Macy's just down the road from our house in Honolulu, When this security dude in overalls jumped out and was like "Follow me this way please Miss."  So I followed him, We went into this old grey room and sat down. "Do you know why you are here?" He asked. "You are  suspected of shoplifting from Chanel" he replied before I'd answered. "But why would I do that? Prada is way better!" I exclaimed. "We'll see about that" he said as he walked out.

2 comments:

  1. It was such a good idea made was written well. You maybe need to have a look at the capital letter after overalls jumped out and was like but otherwise it was great.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really like how you made it a diary entry and you used lots of descriptive words
    After you say Honolulu there is a comma then a capital letter so you need to change the capital to a lower case

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .